dancing the line
I recently attended a training-retreat combo where I learned and re-learned a boat load of things. One of them being that there is a fine line between consistency and rigidity, and I can be much too rigid. One leads to results, the other to starts and stops…amongst other things.
At the request of my daughter, we have also been dancing to Madonna, Lorde, and Sky Ferrera lately, while recording said dance moves on our iPad. I do not think these two things are mere coincidence.
Perhaps it is the steam from the New year, rising with it’s fresh starts and dripping with possibility, but I have returned to one of those old school pen and paper calendars. You know the ones-where you chart your goals, progress, and take note of when you washed your hair last or whatever. It is strange, when I write in this manner, (vs what I am doing now-clickety clack on my keyboard), I am literally transported onto the hard, carpeted floor of my Poetry class in my Junior Year of High School. Like being inside Tom Riddle’s diary, I am there, but cannot interact. I see my black, signature vans classics with writing all over the white part, my body hunched over my journal, glancing from the page to the chalkboard and back again, where my teacher has plastered the quote of the day to inspire and start the class with creativity and formality alike. Then I feel the hard, wooden seat of my chair and the dining room table underneath my forearms, smell a fresh waft of the litter box…and I’m back.
It really is a fine line though, between consistency and rigidity. Nothing gets done without consistency, but rigidity smothers creativity like an overbearing boss. I see this with my own work every day- be it a physical goal, meditation, asana, art, writing, reading, learning, etc, and with musicians like my husband, who struggle with realizing they need to practice more to get “in it” again, but feel if they create some sort a schedule, it will be forced and inevitably suck.
We talked a lot about honoring the Devi (goddess) during this training-retreat and what was said again and again was to see the Mother in each one. Some of them are very intense, you see. Take Durga for instance. She is the mother of the universe and a three-fold goddess-creativity, preservation, and transformation, in that she takes us from the darkness to the light. She also is a supreme warrior goddess who rides a lion and has a multitude of weapons, some of which the Kings of India are said to have gotten from her. So there is obviously a duality here, but again, the message was clear-honor the mother in all of the Devi’s; her nurturing presence, where you are held and loved. The essence of such a love is consistent in nature, not rigid, immovable, stiff, or stubborn.
Perhaps this is how we need to approach our practice, creativity, and our relationship to…fill-in-the-blank-a physical goal, meditation, asana, art, writing, reading, learning, etc, or music for my husband. Imagine the difference. Sincerely, what would it be like to honor the Devi in each of these practices?
I know that when I approach most things in life, (but take creativity for instance, in the form of drawing or writing), with a statuesque and staunch rigidity, I am no longer setting myself up for success, and instead, have failed before I have even begun. This occurs both in part because life happens- as a mother, sister, wife, daughter, yoga teacher and therapist, I sometimes am unable to do/complete said activity, held to the fire with severe rigidity. More importantly, I miss out on the meat, the juice, the heart of the process, as I make it all about the end result and checking off a box, rather than the quality of what I am producing. Creativity requires a certain sense of freedom as well, which can be found with consistency, but dies a cold, hard, dumpster fire death with rigidity.
Take my improvised, recorded dances with my daughter for instance. We have been consistently doing them for the past few weeks and the nature of the word improv clearly demands a lack of rigidity in and of itself, so just with the name alone, it gets the boot before we even begin. There is no set day or time for this. We laugh. A lot. We make up silly dances and (I) poorly recreate ones we (I) have seen. We have fun and really enjoy each other’s company. And with my planner writing and the folded-in-memory of my poetry class, rigidity stunts creativity in either case while consistency leads to ideas, writing, more writing, edits, and eventually, a finished project-be it a poetry book or goals accomplished.
There are a multitude of ways to go about softening and having the intention for consistency over rigidity. Imagine going about it in a way that you honor the mother goddess-where a space is created for you to be held and nurtured. Light lives here. Light and an unwavering faith in who you are and what you are capable with. Mistakes can be made because forgiveness is innate. This is truly the breeding ground for consistent creativity. So dance on with your consistent self, friends. Dance on.
***With amazing synchronicity, while perusing my photos to see which one to choose for this blogpost, I came across the gem at the top-a piece from said poetry book, circa ‘97/’98, with a sweet mention of dancing***
